While we were at the doctors, I got compared to other kiddos. This is already probably the hardest part for any parent of a child with special needs....comparisons. We get compared to our siblings, we get compared to our friends kids, we get compared at grocery stores to the clerk's best friend's brother's kid...but getting comparisons at the doctor's office which of all places, you would think is a little more understanding, is essentially a slap in the face. So how does the doctor compare me to other kids? A few different ways, actually.
The first comparison is when I get measured. This is when I get compared to "normal" kids my age in height, weight, etc. In weight, I'm considered in the 15th percentile compared to "normal" kids. My height would be considered the 40th percentile. My head circumference was a "zero". They even have a chart to show you!
These comparisons not only happen with body measurements but during these routine check-ups, they also give you a milestones questionaire to fill out. For example, they want to know if I am walking, bending over to pick up objects, eating raisins...all of which Mommy answers..."no, no, no, no". I am not walking, therefore I don't bend over to pick up things. And I also have only four teeth so I haven't tried raisins yet. DUH!
Mommy just wishes that they would stop giving her this questionaire during these visits that compares me to other kids. If they really need to know where I'm at with these milestones, they could just ask Mommy. Or maybe call one of my awesome therapists who are working to get me to these milestones.
Maybe, they can just look at me and celebrate all the milestones I have accomplished. And if I'm a little small on the growth curve...what are you going to do about it?
Maybe, they can look at me and forego those damn questionaires and growth charts entirely. These comparisons are impersonal and don't focus on me, the kid, as an individual. These comparisons make Mommy feel like I'm behind, like I'm being judged for something I can't control. She poses the question, "what is 'normal' anyway?"
What's my point? Stop comparing me. Mommy doesn't like any comparisons because no matter what: I'm unique, I'm different, and I do things at my own pace. Just like everyone else! Your charts and questionaires aren't going to change that.
1 comment:
Hello Dylan, Wow......look at the progress. You must be having so much fun watching all that big equipment working in your hard. Can't wait to see all the work that has been down.
Kristi, my heart feels for you with the comparisons. It really is not fair, and so unnecessary. I remember those days when T was younger. I so did not look forward to the checkups. Just remember all that "comparison" stuff is just medical jargon as I like to call it. Your little man is wonderful, growing, learning, reaching milestones, and charming all those that he meets. I will pray for peace for you with this. I know for me, I told T's Dr. that I didn't want the questionaire for T, unless it was designed for kiddos with DS. Never saw it again for him after that. Of course, S gets it everytime, but I just focus it on her. So, Dear Lord, please give Kristi and Ray your amazing peace and love, comforting them in their anxiety over the comparisons they will and do encounter, letting them know that Dylan is your special gift, and so perfect in his very own unique way. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Love to you all.
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